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Quotes
Historical Famous Quotes is a great reference and resource of quotes from films, shows, movies, history, famous people, leaders, stars and literature, including quotations on life, love, friendship, happy, sad, proverbs, sayings, popular and funny quotes, as well as short and long inspirational quotes. Great for entertainment, essays, and guidance in your own life.
Woody Allen
About Author: US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )
Quotes:How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought---particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Thought: why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only for food: frequently there must be a beverage.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DOE
Unbearably lovely music is heard as the curtain rises, and we see the woods on a summer afternoon. A fawn dances on and nibbles slowly at some leaves. He drifts lazily through the soft foliage. Soon he starts coughing and drops dead.
Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence so why bother shaving?
Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.
I am at two with nature.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
The wicked at heart probably know something.
Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to utter hopelessness and despair, the other to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal
We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
Is sex dirty? Only if you do it right.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded: dead.
Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end.
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Eternity is very long, especially towards the end.
Bisexuality automatically doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
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